witcheart: (Default)
Just deleted my rapist from facebook.  -siiiiiigh of anxiety and relief-  Last time I did this was a year ago and I got a bunch of angry/terrifying texts and phone calls and voice messages, which I don't think will happen this time (last time it was right after me publicly calling him a rapist, this time I don't think he'll even notice.)  I've given up on trying to hold him accountable, I've given up on trying to get my friends from back home to give a fuck, and god damn, I don't need to see how all of them love him, and how he's dating ANOTHER one of my friends, and how he just bought himself a fucking car.

I'm done I'm done I'm done.

I'm dying my hair red (brown red, not like bright red.)  Body modifications, even small ones like this, have been super important to me since middle school.  It's part of a process of regeneration, it's a cathartic purity ritual that helps me feel like I have a chance at a fresh start, helps me feel like I can make change in my life and heal old wounds that won't stay closed, and the new ones that form every day.  Even after defending these processes for years and years (to my mom and ~special snowflake~ haters) I still don't really have the words to articulate what it means to me, except that I'm doing it and it makes me feel better.
witcheart: (Default)
Auugh, it's been months since I've blogged, I feel like I've forgotten how. At least this site is set up just like livejournal so I don't have to adjust to a new format. My life is kind of a mess right now, and hopefully blogging about that can help me stabilize a little. It's the end of the quarter and I was supposedly doing an independent study project (my college is super "progressive" and "alternative"), but I mostly blew it off to travel around the south with my friend and be depressed. All of that's catching up to me now as I try cram a quarters worth of work into a few days.

Once I finish this work and my professor evaluates it, I'm going to focus all my energy onto self-care and preparing to be in a class with actual people in it again (haaay social anxiety, I've successfully avoided you for a while, but I'm gonna be ready to deal with you.) Hence, lists! Things I want to accomplish over winter break:
-read Wicked by Gregory McGuire
-drink tea every day
-get into the woods
-don't finish season three of Charmed (trying to limit my TV binges)
-bake lots of delicious vegan pumpkin desserts
-journal about the repressed memories that have been coming up
-cut hair
-fix curtain
-buy candles
-print some of E's flyers for Icarus Project and put them up around campus and downtown
-write some New Year's Resolutions that you'll actually stick to
-congratulate yrself for surviving another year

Okay, maybe this is kind of ambitious, but telling the internet about it, and even just getting it out of my head will help me stick to it. I do not want to feel like I'm exploding with stress on the first day of class (probably unavoidable even if I do finish this list...)

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witcheart

May 2012

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